Her Diamonds
by Kemmasandi
Summary: CRACK  The Straw Hats gain another link with the Whitebeard Pirates.


_In my personal head-canon, this sort of thing happens quite regularly. Sorry._

_Anyway- the following is pure, simple crack. Title is a baaaaaaad pun; pay it no heed. Not serious in the slightest. Not beta-ed, not really edited- I just had to get it out of my brain and onto paper before I forgot it. Be warned._

* * *

**Her Diamonds**

On the way back to Sabaody, Nami stumbled across the second and third divisions of the Whitebeard Pirates.

Ace recognized her from all the way across a pub packed with rowdy, drunken pirates. Nami was busy holding off a pair of unlucky bounty hunters, trying out a new climatact attack, when a giant fist of red-orange flames casually punched them out of the way, before receding back into the arm of the young man whose photograph had filled newspapers the world over a couple of years back.

Ace had grinned at her. "Hey, you're the navigator from Luffy's crew, aren't you? Nami, was it?"

Nami had nodded, smiling back.

Things worked out rather interestingly after that.

Nami abandoned the leaky skiff she'd borrowed from the professors at the sky island, in favour of the relative luxury of the second Division's ship, where she was treated like a sister- an exalted, legendary older sister with the favour of the gods themselves- by the crew. Luffy, and by extension all the Straw Hats, had reached near-mythic status among the Whitebeard Pirates.

Ace introduced her to Jozu, commander of the third division, and the three spent most of the voyage to Sabaody together, sharing stories of their crews, while Nami and Jozu sighed over Ace's antics. Nami borrowed Jozu's maps of the New World, and studied them until late at night, making sure she was prepared for whatever the New World might throw at her crew. One day, with a knowing smile, Jozu handed her a few old books about weather patterns in the New World (so rare even the professors at Weatheria hadn't had them!), and that was it- Nami knew, beyond any doubt, that this guy was special.

Contrary to what her detractors might have expected, Nami didn't find out about Jozu's Devil Fruit power until well after she realized she'd fallen in love with him. (Love- Nami didn't like the word, but she had to admit it was a useful description, and better than having to go through the list of praises she had for Jozu whenever anybody asked.)

By the time they arrived at Sabaody Archipelago, the whirlwind first weeks of their romance were over, and Nami was sporting a brand new diamond ring on her finger.

Now all that remained was to inform the rest of her crew…

* * *

Luffy serenely picked his nose for a moment, before exclaiming, "Nami! You're going to be my _sister_!"

Upon being asked how he came to that conclusion, Luffy gave his audience a look that clearly said 'oh, you poor dumb things, you can't figure it out?'

"Well, if Ace is my brother, and Beard-guy is Ace's Pops, and he's also Diamond-guy's Pops, then that makes Diamond-guy my brother as well, and if Nami marries Diamond-guy then she'll be my sister. Aw, it's simple, guys!"

To Nami's growing horror, she realized that Luffy actually had a point.

* * *

Zoro blinked, and said, "Well, best of luck to him. He'll need it." Then he went back to sleep.

Even Nami's new megaton punch failed to wake him up.

* * *

Chopper nearly choked on his tongue. "Huh? What? Wow, really? Then, congratulations, Nami!"

Beside him, Usopp, rested his chin on his hands and gave the little reindeer an incredulous look. "Hey, don't tell me you're surprised. Nami likes sparkly things more than anything else in the world."

"What, like magpies?" Chopper was suddenly enthralled. "Is Nami a magpie?"

_Better stop this train of thought before it goes any further,_ Nami thought, and pre-emptively whacked Usopp on the head before he had a chance to reply. _Can't have me being compared to a bird on my engagement day!_

* * *

Sanji might have fainted for a moment, because he swayed rather violently, and stumbled backwards against the pantry door, pressing a hand to his heart. "Married, my beloved Nami-swan? Oh, my heart… I could have sworn you just said you were going to get married…"

It would have felt like kicking a puppy, if Nami hadn't stopped paying attention to Sanji's flowery words years ago.

"I did! Oh, Jozu's such a gentleman. The proposal was lovely, and look what he got me!" She shoved her ring finger in front of Sanji's disbelieving eye. A diamond ring- expensive and understated, like all the truly valuable jewelry was- glittered there.

The ring was the last straw. Sanji slumped to the floor, limp as a dead fish.

Nami tentatively prodded him with her toes, before calling for Chopper. If Sanji died, who else was going to cook her wedding feast?

* * *

Robin smiled knowingly, and offered Nami a 'congratulations' of her own as she poured the navigator a cup of tea. Nami accepted it gracefully, while Franky shouted "SUPER!" in the background.

"I won't ask how or why you managed to start up such a romance," Robin began, delicately sipping her tea. "I hope he knows what happens if he hurts you in any way."

Nami blinked at the other woman, and wondered why her spine was prickling.

* * *

Brook grinned- though it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter- and said, "Then since I will not get the chance again, it seems, for old times' sake, may I see your panties?"

The skeletal musician became the second recipient of her megaton punch in ten minutes. Nami was pretty sure that that was a new record.

* * *

The wedding- five months later, on a homely summer island in the New World- was a strange affair, though given the pirates involved, this was only to be expected. The food- delicious, magnificent, would have been raved about for weeks to come had a food critic been present at the reception feast- was prepared by one man amid the sound of loud, though slightly muffled sobbing. The same man emerged later during the service, slightly red-eyed but otherwise marvelously composed, to give the bride away. The groom's best man looked like he was going to fall asleep all throughout the ceremony, but somehow never did. The priest creeped the hell out of the majority of the audience, while the rest were too busy trying to figure out how his afro stayed on with no skin to anchor it to his head.

The bride's captain ran amok through the reception hall (a marquee tent erected on the beach), his cheeks grossly inflated with the sheer amount of food in his mouth, screaming incoherently and swinging from the branches of the trees outside, while being chased by his fire-wielding brother (who was screaming slightly less incoherently, something about not stealing food). Whitebeard himself sat in his chair on the deck of the Moby Dick, surrounded by nurses and those who wished to escape the madness onshore, and surveyed the scene on the beach with a supremely amused gaze.

Two swordsmen started a battle on the lawn outside the makeshift church, which would have meant plenty of work for the doctors had one of them not turned into a hulking man-beast thing and waded into the fight, slamming the two combatants' heads together with a satisfying crunch, before dragging them back to the sickbay aboard the bride's ship to regain consciousness. The long-nosed sniper gathered an audience to listen to the tales of the Great Captain Usopp, and as the sun set over the island, and the last of the food disappeared into Monkey D. Luffy's gullet, brilliant red and gold light illuminated the happy couple as they led the dancers onto the temporary dance floor.

They left on the first high tide the next day, the bride aboard the Thousand Sunny, and the groom aboard the Moby Dick. They both had their jobs to do, their own crews to look after, when everything was said and done.

Still, Nami and Jozu looked forward to the next time their paths crossed.


End file.
